Vicious on Demand

By John W. Lillpop

On October 3, 1995, OJ Simpson was acquitted of murder. His guilt had seemed so obvious, to some. The verdict shocked and angered scores of millions of Americans.

In the minds of millions of Americans, Judge Lance Ito had presided over a miscarriage of justice that allowed a brutal killer to escape punishment for heinous crimes.

Many continue to believe that OJ Simpson killed Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman, both white, and should have been executed or imprisoned for life, instead of being set free.

Reverend Al Sharpton was not among those who lamented Simpson’s acquittal.

In fact, no religious or political leader lead angry protesters through the streets to demand that Los Angeles be shut down because of the trial result.

Fast forward to April 25, 2008, where Queens Supreme Court Justice Arthur Cooperman ruled that three police officers were not guilty of murder in the case involving a black man, Sean Bell.

In this case, Reverend Al Sharpton decided that the verdict was unacceptable. The Reverend had this to say:

“We strategically know how to stop the city so people stand still and realize that you do not have the right to shoot down unarmed, innocent civilians,” Sharpton told an overflow crowd of several hundred people at his National Action Network office in the historically black Manhattan neighborhood. “This city is going to deal with the blood of Sean Bell.”

Of course, the reverend offered no specific details about why the verdict was wrong–except, presumably, for the fact that Sean Bell was black. That hardly seems reason enough to shut down a major world city.

I might agree with Sharpton if he had offered logical, concrete arguments. If there was legal malfeasance and racist manipulation in this complicated case, perhaps New York should be shut down.

However, there is another side to this story and the facts used by the court to reach the verdict.

Specifically, Judge Cooperman noted the unreliability of prosecution witnesses, through their renunciations and inconsistent statements, past criminal convictions and motivation to lie on the stand. The judge said “These factors played a significant part in the people’s ability to prosecute their case and had the effect of eviscerating the credibility of the people’s witnesses…. at times the testimony just didn’t make sense.”

Judge Cooperman also said:

“A trial is defined as a formal examination of the facts of a case by a court of law to decide the validity of a charge. It is also defined in the dictionary as a hardship, and, in many ways, this trial was a hardship.”

The big question: Does a “formal examination of the facts of a case by a court of law” have any meaning to Reverend Sharpton or the millions of Americans who continue to believe that OJ Simpson escaped justice?

The bigger question: Are people who disagree with a verdict entitled to shut down a city based on that disagreement, however biased it may be?

The Really big question: Is it too late to shut down Los Angeles?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Although Thanksgiving is still more than seven months away, it seems fitting to take stock and give thanks now, while there is still something left to be grateful for.

Indeed, given the dismal slate of presidential candidates from which Americans will choose this November, Thanksgiving Day 2008 may be a dreary day, devoid of all cheer and hope.

My top 10 “thankful” items as of today:

1. I am not addicted to rice.

2. Could not qualify to purchase that 3 bedroom/ 1.5 bath, 1,200 square foot “dream home” in Silicon Valley for $700,000 last year. That would be the same castle now listed in foreclosure for less than $200,000!

3. My financial “advisor” was laid off and is in financial chaos. Wonder whose lousy advise lead Ms. Money Knowitall into financial Hades?

4. My real estate license has expired, saving me untold thousands of dollars in potential law suits, grief, and hate mail!

5. I am not a big fan of Ethanol.

6. The US economy is so weak that illegal aliens are flocking back to Mexico in search of better lives, lured by the Mexican Dream if you will.

7. I am not constipated. At the moment.

8. Although I am a poor, older Caucasian red neck with attitude, I have less to worry about in terms of legal dodo than either OJ Simpson or Barry Bonds.

9. The cumulative approval rating for Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and George W. Bush is nearly the same as Hillary Clinton’s disapproval mark.

10. With the money I save every month by not making payments on a $700,000 starter home, I can afford to buy enough gasoline to drive to a paralegal and file for bankruptcy!

Remember to count your blessings early and often–while you still have them!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

It is often alleged that prostitution is the oldest profession known to mankind. This, as it turns out, is not true.

If the annals of history had been compiled by ethical and honest folk instead of pointy headed liberals and so-called scholars, the world would recognize that lawyers were, in fact, here before Ladies of the Night.

Here’s how it came to pass.

Many eons ago, a young, married cave man named Ezekiel worked as a lawyer during the day and repaired leaky cave roofs at night. The young man grew disenchanted with the affections of his betrothed, especially upon learning that she was with child. Large with child, she was.

Indeed, his once beloved was no longer the svelte sex pot he dragged into his cave by the nap of the neck just six months prior. But what to do, pondered he?

Ezekiel did what any unethical lawyer would do. While tending to the roof of a beautiful, non-pregnant damsel in the next county, Ezekiel decided to employ win-win negotiation tactics with the sweet young thang.

For your favors, madam, he offered, I will compensate you $.50 for pleasures received. And so it was that the couple was joined under a leaky roof somewhere in the middle east, long, long ago.

When the dirty details of Ezekiel’s sordid affair became known to his spouse, he accused the fair maiden of seducing him for cash, wrote the first anti-prostitution law on the planet, and proceeded to act as the befuddled maiden’s defense attorney for $500 an hour!

Ezekiel’s usury pricing and corrupt practices have served as an unalterable template for all lawyers who have followed in his footsteps.

Just how corrupt are modern day lawyers? Do the names Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Sandy Berger sound an alarm?

The most intriguing fact about lawyers is their obsession with convoluted, incomprehensible language.

For instance, when my ex and I decided that our robust flame of romance had turned into something akin to the 2008 Olympic Torch, we sat down calmly and drafted the terms of our disengagement. In simple, plain English, it was.

She got the dog, I got the bird. She kept the house, I kept the mortgage payment book.

And so it was that we agreed on the division of our community property, without the assistance of some out-of-touch lawyer in a $3,000 dress suit paid for with frivolous lawsuits.

Instead, we went to a mediator, that being an attorney who was supposed to be neutral and an advocate for neither side. When we sat down with this so-called vital cog in the wheel of justice, we were at peace with each other and with our dissolution agreement.

Of course, the mediator immediately scoffed at our plain English separation agreement. For the tidy sum of $2,000, this legal whiz converted our document into 12 pages of double spaced mumbo jumbo comprehensible only to another lawyer working on a $500 per hour clock!

When we last met with this pathetic thief, Mrs. Lillpop and I were at each other’s throats and ready to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars each to pummel the other into a lifetime of abject poverty and humiliation.

Cooler heads prevailed, however, and it is only I who have been pummeled into poverty and humiliation.

Becoming a lawyer requires a considerable amount of intelligence and hard work. Take the case of Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa for instance.

Mayor Villaraigosa desperately wanted to become a lawyer, but was denied because he could not pass the bar. Instead, Villaraigosa decided that he could make more money by creating a sanctuary city for illegal aliens.

Today, Antonio Villaraigosa, sans that coveted law degree, is a wealthy and prosperous businessman who specializes in importing “illiterate peasants” to Los Angeles.

Best of all, Antonio has been spared the shame and disgrace that accrues when one is associated with the most ignoble and corrupt community in the nation: The American Bar Association!

By John W. Lillpop

Perhaps it is naive to expect much in the way of moral leadership from an institution that coddles sexual perverts–disguised as “Holy Fathers” –
who use their presumed holiness to deceive and sexually manipulate thousands of unsuspecting children, while professing to act in the name of God.

How much respect is owed an institution that has spent billions of dollars to settle law suits brought by innocent children against said “Holy Fathers”?

With all due respect to Pope Benedict, the Catholic Church is no longer respected as a source for moral inspiration in America. Words from the Gospel of Luke seem to apply.

In the Gospel of Luke, it is written:

Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

To be perfectly candid, the fruit of the Catholic church these days is rotten. As in figs and thistles.

Which means that the pope’s rhetoric on illegal immigration is irrelevant at best, and at best is self-serving drivel intended to shore up sagging membership in the Catholic church.

Papal “infallibility” and or “inerrancy” is obviously a myth when one considers the following:

Rather than blaming Americans for resisting the invasion of our great nation, Pope Benedict should be providing moral and spiritual leadership by calling on illegal aliens and the Mexican government to respect the borders, laws, property and culture of the United States.

Rather than chiding U.S. authorities for enforcing the rule of law, the pope should demand that illegal aliens voluntarily return to their nations of origin and follow established procedures for legal immigration to America.

Rather than calling for open-ended compassion for those here unlawfully, the pope should remind illegal aliens that receiving public services such as education, food stamps, and health care to which they are not entitled is stealing. Stealing is a sin.

Illegal immigration is like robbing a bank. It involves disregard for the law and wanton thievery of goods and services belonging to, or intended for, others. It is wrong, and should be condemned.

Because the Pope’s position on illegal aliens is immoral, sound advise for the pontiff would be as follows: Papal Infallibility is a myth!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

In order to commemorate Earth Day with the appropriate political correctness and chutzpah, the “Al Gore Institute for Saving Earth by Ending Global Warming and Electing Al President” has produced a list of ten acceptable ways to celebrate Earth Day.

Mind you, none of these steps is mandatory, provided one has a mental or emotional disorder and is a properly registered Democrat!

Actually, that is grotesquely redundant–being emotional or mentally ill automatically causes one to be registered as a Democrat.

Ten Ways to Celebrate Earth Day:

1. Take a friend to see An Inconvenient Truth

Self explanatory. This spiritual experience can be completed on any college campus and in all public education classes, K-12 and liberal churches. Vacation Bible School showings now available at most Lutheran and Methodist retail centers.

2. Carbon Exchange Investments

Invest in a carbon exchange corporation that is committed to ending global warming while making obscene profits appear patriotic and “green.”

To dabble in this emerging business sector, contact the “Tipper Gore Foundation of Climate Science and Investment Strategy.” This low- tech misadventure has headquarters in Nashville, Tennessee on the Gore’s 20,000 square foot “carbon neutral” mansion.

All business will be transacted only in euros–shares will not be released in exchange for dollars, credit cards, or checks.

The Foundation will hold its second annual meeting on April 22. Guest speaker Senator Barbara Boxer will deliver the keynote speech titled, “How Global Warming Can Impact Your Bar Mitzvah, Retirement, and Circumcision Decisions.”

Light kosher refreshments will be sold .

3. Take two friends to see An Inconvenient Truth

Double your fun–and Al’s profit!

4. Help Develop an Enemies of Earth Database

In order to defeat those who would wantonly abuse the earth and her people, it is essential that greenies help Al develop an Enemies of Earth database for use on future global warming activism projects, and for Al’s next run for president, which may commence in August 2008 if Barack Obama and Hillary continue to pummel each other while making John McCain look presidential!

The objective of this adventure is to identify those who refuse to worship at the altar of global warming and who mock the Lord’s work on this vital issue. It includes dunderheads who refuse to admit that Al actually won the presidency in 2000.

Most of the offenders are Caucasian Christian Republicans, usually angry males. Al needs to create a database of such people including home address, e-mail, phone number, church affiliation, social security numbers, and all substantiated (unsubstantiated OK if real juicy) dirt that can be used in a presidential campaign.

5. Take three friends to see An Inconvenient Truth

Three is NOT a crowd–when it comes to Al’s terrific flick-fiction!

6. The “Pulitzer Prize AGAIN for Al ” Committee

When Al Gore received a Pulitzer Prize for his objective and scientifically impartial work in 2007, the heavens literally opened and the light of truth was delivered to billions of people wallowing in the lies and deceit of those responsible for global warming.

But one Pulitzer Prize is not enough. As Jimmy Carter and Yassar Araft proved, just about any schmuck or murdering terrorist with enough money and a good line of BS can yank one Pulitzer.

To really stand out, one needs to win at least two and perhaps many more.

You can make a huge contribution to the future of Earth, its six billion human inhabits, and innumerable species in the animal and plant worlds by working to help steer the Pulitzer Prize in Al’s direction…AGAIN!

For your “PP For Gore AGAIN” startup kit and motivational DVD, send $512.37 to the address listed on goretheglobalwarmingho.gov

Non-refundable, not tax deductible.

7. Take four friends to see An Inconvenient Truth

Four! is great in golf, and even better in the war on global warming!

8. Volunteer to Clean the Gore Mansion

Saving the planet is a full time job that leaves Al and Tipper Gore completely exhausted at the end of each and every day. In fact, the work is so demanding that this dynamic duo barely has time to stop and eat more than four or five meals a day!

But while rescuing Mother Earth from the likes of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney is demanding, the Gores must also maintain a 20,000 square foot luxury mansion with seven bedrooms, eight baths, indoor swimming pool, and guest suite for a live-in chef who specializes in mud pies stuffed with raw possum brains, and other southern delicacies.

Keeping the Gore mansion clean and dust free is a major task that you can help with. Bring your vacuuming, toilet bowl scrubbing, mopping, dusting, laundering, and other cleaning skills to Nashville and spend eight hours a day, four times a week, working your fingers to the bone while Al and Tipper fly around the world to save the planet.

This is a voluntary assignment–no reimbursement provided. Illegal aliens with domestic references and bonded preferred. Gardening skills a real plus.

9. Take five friends to see An Inconvenient Truth

Take the fifth for the future of your children, your grandchildren, and Al’s retirement fund!

10. The ultimate Sacrifice for saving Earth

This step is admittedly not for everyone. It requires those who really care about Earth, children, old people, and pregnant women to make a profound sacrifice.

To those so blessed, the objective is to attack global warming head on by surrendering all motor vehicles to the “Al Gore Institute for Saving Earth by Ending Global Warming.”

Vehicles are accepted at DNC branches in all major cities provided one has a lien-free title to the vehicle, or a funding date for retirement of any outstanding liens through refinancing.

Please leave the keys in your vehicle and arrange for return transportation for all in your party. The DNC cannot provide or arrange for transportation.

Well, there you have it, moonbats! The liberal way to celebrate Earth Day with PC gusto and insanity!

Hillary’s role model?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

As the national mud wrestling match being staged by the Democrat Party grinds on and on and on, I am startled to find myself in agreement with much of what Barack Obama has to say about Hillary.

For instance, I agree with Obama that Hillary is a:

Rich, elitist “bi***,” way out of touch with average Americans;

Weak-minded female who would be nothing without her marriage to a former president, perjurer, and sex addict;

Beer and whiskey guzzling Annie Oakley NOT;

Congenital liar who hates truth and light;

Phony hypocrite who relies on deceit and fraud to promote herself and her goals;

Inevitable president NOT!

On reflection, I am also aware of the fact that much of what Hillary says about Obama resonates with those of us who are fair and balanced.

Indeed, I agree with Hillary that Obama is a:

Rich, elitist “bas***,” who is out of touch with hard-working, church- going, bitter Americans in small Pennsylvania towns;

Player in the presidential sweepstakes only because he is black. Were he white, Obama would most likely be serving tables at Geraldine Ferraro fund raisers;

Closet Islamofacist who should denounce Reverend Jeremiah Wright and Louis Farrakhan and remove them from his inner circle of spiritual icons;

Phony hypocrite who relies on deceit and fraud to promote himself and his goals;

Man of substance–cocaine and crack being the substances of choice, right Obama?

Inexperienced, naive, and gullible politician who talks out of both sides of his mouth. Bottom line: Name one accomplishment!

After all is said and done, there is hardly a dime’s worth of difference between Obama and Clinton. And, judging from their own campaign rhetoric, neither is qualified to be president of these United States.

On that, we can agree!

By John W. Lillpop

If it is true that, upon death, Muslim men have immediate access to 72 voluptuous virgins, why would any Muslim ever resist?

In fact, one wonders why Musab Zarqawi tried to crawl off his death-stretcher in Iraq?

Given the promise of all that free love, why not just lay back, relax and croak?

Perhaps Zarqawi understood that if he stayed on the stretcher he risked being taken and kept alive by American medical people.

He was also shrewd enough to know that dimwit liberals at the ACLU and DNC would demand that he receive a full slate of “Terrorist Rights,” including a civilian jury trial, thereby delaying his demise/reward by a decade or two.

So Zarqawi did what any sane Muslim about to lose out on 20 years of unfettered virgin sex would do: He tried to escape in order to die immediately!

In the end, though, Zarqawi was a beneficiary of superior American technology as that 500 pound buster- bomb blasted the jihadist killer out of this level of consciousness.

Zarqawi’s last words on that bloody stretcher reflected his gratitude when he stole a direct quote from GW Bush:

Bring them on! said the dying jihadist, with a twinkle in his still-horny eye.

And remember the weasels who committed suicide at Guantanamo Bay? One would assume that by now they have also snaked their way up to Islamic heaven and are reunited with Zarqawi.

So, again I ask: With 72 virgins in the offing, why in the name of Allah would any Muslim ever resist death?

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Most American cities find that illegal aliens bring with them unacceptable social, budgetary, educational, and health care burdens that severely strain resources intended for taxpaying citizens.

As a result, most cities discourage unwelcome third-world interlopers from invading their cities in the first place.

San Francisco, on the other hand, is unlike most American cities, a fact to be celebrated by those fortunate enough to live in most other American cities.

For example, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and the Board of Supervisors have recently discovered that there is a frightening shortfall of needy, poor folks clogging the social service centers and emergency rooms here.

Too much English is being spoken in fast food restaurants and car washes in this goofy metropolis, at least according to the likes of Mayor Newsom.

Thus, the leftist loonies in charge have elected to run advertisements to attract more illegal aliens to the City.

Its called pandering, but Newsom calls it “reaching out to the disadvantaged,” which is what 30 million Californians will be if we are foolish enough to elect Newsom when he runs for governor in 2010.

Thus, at a time when American citizens are losing their homes to foreclosure, Newsom et. al is spending $80,000 of taxpayer money to inform illegal aliens that The City is open for business and is ready, willing, and able to violate federal law in order to accommodate invading criminals.

Imagine how many past due mortgages currently hounding American citizens could be cured with $80,000?

But favoring American citizens over third-world criminals would be discriminatory and so very Un-San Franciscan, right Mayor?

Thus, San Francisco monies are being spent on ads that read:

“To those in America illegally and are without documents of any type, come to the most beautiful and generous city in the world!

“San Francisco is home to the Golden Gate Bridge, fabulous cable cars, Alcatraz Island, the ACLU, and unlimited supplies of food stamps and welfare goodies for brown people without documents or English skills.

“Why not move your family here and enjoy our relaxing, peaceful environment in which it is a crime to even utter the word deportation, much less attempt it?

“Come to San Francisco where border patrol agents are as unwelcome as the United States Marines and HIV Positive databases designed to abuse AIDS victims.

“Come to San Francisco–where you will have the freedom to express your views, freely and openly. Protest marches are a tradition here, and we welcome your anti-American messages and Mexican flags as well!

“Simply prove that you are here illegally and speak no English whatsoever, and leave the rest to Mayor Newsom!”

And so it goes in the “City that knows how.”

Correction: Used to know how.

By John W. Lillpop

In his bid for the United States presidency, Barack Obama is asking the American people to entrust him with the present and future of our great nation. The issue is that simple and of that gravity.

America cannot, must not, yield to the urge to elect an African-American or a woman candidate solely on the basis of gender or race. Sentimentality and “feel good” emotions have no place in the hostile and dangerous world in which we find ourselves.

Which is precisely why Barack Obama’s patronage of Reverend Jeremiah Wright is so alarming. That patronage would be wrong for any American; it is infinitely more wrong for one who would take on the awesome responsibility of defending 300 million Americans as the nation’s CEO and military commander-in-chief.

What if, God forbid, another 9/11 terrorist attack were to happen while President Barack Obama was presiding over the United States Army, Air Force, Navy, and Marines?

How would President Obama handle the counsel of Reverend Wright who said the following on September 16, 2001, five days after terrorists felled the Twin Towers?

“We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost.”

Would President Obama simply shrug his shoulders and concede the point? Perhaps he would “comfort” the American people with a national fireside address:

“Good evening, my fellow Americans. September 11 is a day that will live in infamy.

Good night, and God Dam America!”

And so it would be if America is irresponsible enough to elect Barack Obama!

By John W. Lillpop

In November of 2005, wrong headed voters passed a bill, known as Measure H, that would have forbidden San Francisco residents from owning hand guns. If this goofy bit of unconstitutional meddling had been allowed to stand, law-abiding citizens would have been disarmed.

Criminals, on the other hand, would simply disregard the dumb ‘Frisco law and go about the business of stealing and murdering, knowing full well that without guns to defend themselves, law-abiding folk would be easy prey.

Of course, Measure H is clearly unconstitutional and was immediately recognized as such by anyone who has even heard of the 2nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

Unfortunately, most San Franciscans are unaware that the 2nd Amendment even exists, much less that it is enforceable in The City. Only a lethal combination of ignorance and arrogance allowed Measure H to make it to the ballot box in 2005.

However, the California Supreme Court has ruled unanimously that Measure H cannot be implemented, thereby shooting down this foolish bit of chicanery by leftist trouble makers.

Examiner: http://www.examiner.com/a-1331455~State_Supreme_Court_ruling_ends_San_Francisco_gun_ban_move.html

What a perfect final tribute to Charlton Heston and the noble cause which he championed!